I can't catch my breath!
by Fireflyingfox
Summary: No matter how many times he replays it in his head, he knows that he could have done something...Anything to stop the tradegy that occurred! Desperate to help her son forget the past and the nightmares that haunt him, a mother packs up her child and moves him to an upscale community were memories can't haunt him, and true love makes it's first appearance.
1. Chapter 1

June 20, 2011

I love you, but it seems that our relationship can never happen. I place a letter into your locker everyday, along with some type of gift that I know you will love, but you never answer me or response in any type of way. I know you know who I am, isn't it obvious to you? We've been going to the same school for the past five years, sitting next to each other in homeroom, and even riding the bus home together, although on different parts of the bus. I know everything about you, your favorite food, music, color, and even about your unfortunate home life. I know the way that your mother struggles to place food on the table, to pay rent, and to take care of you. I know how desperate you are to see her happy! How you try to work so hard in school and the numerous part time jobs you have so she doesn't have to struggle. So that she can be proud. Why couldn't you have seen that I also love, how I give you things that you need. How I work just as desperately on your behalf. Don't you know I could have given you things that only a lover could. But it seems you don't care, at least not about us…or me, so I'll disappear and remove some of this weight that I've been placing on you. In death I'll work to make you stronger, and will be your heavenly guide to grant your every wish that this world has so wrongfully denied you. My love and my soul will be on the roof top waiting for you at our faithful hour of 4:30.

With Great love,

Your love Naraku

I looked at this letter, thinking it would be just like the ones from before. Full of sweet words and admirations that only a close observer… or stalker would know. At first, I was a little weird out by the romantic intensity of the letters, but as time passed, I come to appreciate the great effort and love put into these long letters.

Despite majority opinion, and however rude I may be to people, I still hold great respect for a person who willingly puts their feeling on the line for me to pick apart and disregard. However, in this case, I've grown fond of the affection, and see each one as a little work of art. So I've made it part of my routine to read each letter carefully on the bus ride to work and to keep them safely placed in my book bag to glance at once in a while. Everyday with out fail, I received one from a boy in my class named Naraku.

I see him as I come from my thirty minute, daily refuge visit to the men's bathroom during the last half hour of math class .I watch as he tries to sneak into my locker and place his letters and gifts quickly in an area where I will find them. After he shuts my locker, I usually rush towards him, causing him to blush and panic a little. I never confront him about it though, and just greet him bluntly, causing him to become embarrassed, and in some ways a little disappointed. I'd tell him how I felt one day soon, maybe even tomorrow. Despite the blunt behavior, I ask him if he's coming with me to get on the bus, and normally wait patiently as he quickly gets his things.

As I pick up the letter, and small gift, I quickly close my locker and look up to see that he's a lot farther away than usual, and that he's not really looking at me. He looks back though, after a moment as he opens up the stairwell door to the third floor, and rushes off. A little confused, and I check the time to see if I should wait for him or follow. He must have forgotten something, but I don't have time to wait. It's almost 4:30 and I have to be out of this school and on my way to the bus stop to catch the bus, for work. Deciding that I'll just have the bus driver wait for him, than go after him and miss it myself, I head down the stairs to the first floor and on my way out of the school. To my surprise, there's a bit of ruckus outside. Some girls are screaming for someone to help as the large, growing crowd filled with both students and parents continues to direct their attention to the top of the school. I look up as well and have to squint because of the sun. I see the person and recognize it immediately. My mind races as I think back. 'I should have gone after him…' Moving forward, I lock eyes with Naraku and my heart stopped as he grinned at me and leap from the building.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi Guys and Gals, sorry that I have not updated this story. I have been looking for ways to finish it, and well… I have so we are all in luck! Just to let you know this will be an Inu/Sess story, and I hope to complete it by the summer. Please support this story and leave comments in my inbox or simply review. I truly hope you like it. A new update should be coming very very soon. If I finish with the other chapter by tonight, I will update either tonight or later this week. I also know that I have a lot of grammatical problems in this story, if you have ever read my stories; you will know that it is a weakness of mine but I will try to be better about it.

**Love you all! Elexius Black**

_Now for the necessary stuff!_

I do not own Inuyasha, I only write fan fiction stories for my personal enjoyment, as well as for the enjoyment of others. I do not sell, nor have I ever sold me stories for profit, and I do not intent to in the future. However, the plot that is used in this story is original, as far as I know…, although it may be pretty cliché, and have not used anyone else's plot material. Any materials or ideas that are used in this story are my own, and if another person should suggest an idea, like from a comment or review they will receive recognition. If things are used from the original story line of Inuyasha, well I have already established that I do not own it.

_Now for the story!_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Chapter 2<em>**

His face and body were contorted, and the sound of his screaming spoke of the immense pain he was in. To my shock he was still alive, and from that height it seemed to me a miracle. The parents in the crowd had already called the police, who had arrived moments before he leaped of the roof. I think that the police must have called for an ambulance to be dispatched, because the loud sound of a roaring alarm could be heard in the near distance.

Chatter started up, as parents and the police tried to figure out what had caused him to jump. My fellow classmates also begin to circulate their own knowledge about Naraku. Most had found that they knew very little about him, other than the fact that he was very quite, and even shy on some occasions. However, others had noticed Naraku's involvement me, slowly quick glances and hushed conversations were aimed in my direction. Apparently, I was his only friend, aside from a girl named Kanna who was a year younger than us. Some people were saying how he followed me around, and would often go home with me. Soon, I went from his best friend to his lover.

Glances of curiosity turned to long glares of disgust and blame. Riding on the current feeling of shock, I found my self feeling angry, and a little self conscious. Although I would never deny my involvement with Naraku, I didn't want to carry the blame for something that could possibly have nothing to do with me. In fact, I found it rather disturbing that the humans, with their limited knowledge on the matter, had so quickly pointed me, the only half breed in the school as the reason for Naraku's suicide attempt. In the back of my mind, guilt began to swell up, as I too started to wonder if I had in fact been the cause.

After a short while the ambulance came, and carted Naraku off to the hospital. I wanted to go to, but felt that that would only add fuel to the current suspicion that my classmates held. Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I turned to look in the hard eyes of a human officer, he was looking rather tired, and his eyes contained a hint of frustration and disgust as he looked at me. His rough voice was laced with a coated of forced anger, and something hidden underneath. I think it was something along the lines of…fear. "Didn't you hear what I just said half breed? We need you all to clear off of the premise…, Now!"

Shrugging his hand off my shoulder, I shot him a dirty look, and stomped away. I could smell a sharp increase in his anger that was directed at me, as I walked further away. This was confirmed when I heard him murmur, the words, "filthy piece of shit!" By this time, I was too far away from him to retort, and would be fighting a losing war. To the humans, I was 'supposedly' to far away to hear him. No one had heard him but me, and even if they had, no one would see a fault with what he said, such as phrase in their eyes was true.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi Guys and Gals, thank you all for reading the story. I intend to finish it by the end of the summer so please bear with me . Again I want to let you know that this will be an Inu/Sess story. That means they will by some divine miracle they will end up together. Please support this story and leave comments in my inbox or simply review. I truly hope you like it. A new update should be coming very very soon. If I finish with the other chapters, I will update. Again, I also know that I have a lot of grammatical problems in this story, if you have ever read my stories; you will know that it is a weakness of mine, but I will try to be better about it.

**Love you all! Elexius Black**

_Now for the necessary stuff!_

I do not own Inuyasha, I only write fan fiction stories for my personal enjoyment, as well as for the enjoyment of others. I do not sell, nor have I ever sold me stories for profit, and I do not intent to in the future. However, the plot that is used in this story is original, as far as I know…, although it may be pretty cliché, and have not used anyone else's plot material. Any materials or ideas that are used in this story are my own, and if another person should suggest an idea, like from a comment or review they will receive recognition. If things are used from the original story line of Inuyasha, well I have already established that I do not own it.

_Now for the story!_

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 3<em>

An hour and a half later, I was at the bus stop, stepping on to the bus. The bus driver looked at me curiously as I placed my card into the machine. After a moment, he bluntly asked me why I was taking the later bus when school let out some time ago. He continued on to ask me where my fellow classmate with the red contacts was, he hadn't seen him today, and that he was usually trailing after me.

Knowing who he meant, I shrugged my shoulders, and said that he would mostly likely not be taking the bus anymore. The bus driver looked a little sadden, but simply scoffed, and stated in an offended voice, "Must've gotta car! Kids these days with their own transportation" Feeling the doors close behind me, I grabbed the steel railing circling the top of the bus, and swung my body over and into my seat as the bus took of sharply gaining speed.

I mostly never minded the bus driver's conversation. In fact, he has been me taking me to school since I could walk. He had also seen how others had treated me, and even my mother. Out of the kindness of his heart, he gave me the handicap seat at the front of the bus, where the other human kids … and adults couldn't bother me. After he gave me that seat, not even handicap people could sit next to me.

Looking out of the window of the bus, I fidgeted with the strap of my book bag.

All the while, I thought about Naraku. Even on my walk to the bus stop, I could feel the uneasy pressure in my head spread. I began to realize that guilt had set in. It had gotten up to the point where either I was seeing things as they actually were, with me being the reason Naraku attempted suicide, or guilt was coming from another place.

In all truth, I knew what it was that was making me feel this way. I wanted to avoid the stream of thoughts that were beginning to take shape in my head. However, with nothing else to distract me from my own thoughts, but the vacant seat that Naraku usually sits in, my thoughts slowly shifted to what I had been trying to suppress.

The idea that I should have told him how I felt sooner, even if I didn't really love him. I could have told him that I at least cared, and appreciated his efforts to make me happy, and that in some ways he made my day, and that his little notes made me feel special.

He deserved that much, and my own disregard for his love and affection had went unanswered to the point that it drove him to -.

I began to think that I should have went after him when I noticed his odd behavior, but had no idea the he would even think to –

Another thought entered my head, I didn't want to finish the other ones, it made me sick in my stomach, and worse, I could feel my own anger rise at myself. My uneasiness continued as I thought back. The look of sheer happiness and delight on Naraku's face as he looked at me, before he jump caused my skin to tingle, and caused a sour queasiness in my stomach.

Without knowing it, my eyes began to water. Trying to control myself, I quickly realized that I was on the verge of falling apart. I took several deep breaths, and tried to clear the thickening in my nose and my throat. Shaking my body slightly to get a grip on myself, I found that my efforts were failing, and badly.

My breathing seemed to increase greatly as I inhaled, and my skin seemed to burn and itch. My breathing went from fast full inhales, to short painful hiccups, I felt like I was chocking. Doing the only thing I could do to stop myself from falling apart on the bus, I put my hand over my mouth, and leaned into my book bag.

Letting out a muffled scream, I let the tears in my eyes fall, and waited for some time until I was sure I could control myself. Shakily, I took in a deep breath, and wiped my face. The feeling that I had didn't go away, but I was at least able to conceal some of the turmoil on my face.

For sometime I watched the traffic whiz by, thinking of nothing in particular. I felt nothing in particular either… Looking back down at my book bag I opened it up, and reach in it to find Naraku's note. I hadn't opened it yet, and I was beginning to think that maybe I shouldn't. I didn't know what it would contain and some part of he didn't want to.

However, it was tradition for me to read his little notes on the bus ride to work, so I open it. After reading some lines, I realized it was a suicide note, and worst off it seemed that I was indeed the reason for him jumping. Folding the letter up, I tossed it back into my book bag.

A pounding headache had formed in a flash. My chest began to tighten, and my breathing shortened. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I let out a silent sob.

I'd be damned if I was going to work, or even back to school for the rest of the week.


End file.
